The last conversation I had with Daddy is one I will always remember. The night before, my family had gather around as we said our goodbyes and came to peace about Daddy's time on earth coming to an end. The next morning, I went to the nursing home to see him. When I walked in the door, Daddy said, "I don't know what happened. I didn't sleep any last night because I was waiting for the Lord to come take me home." My response..."Well, that only means He is not done with you yet." Daddy jokingly replied, "I wished He would tell me what I'm suppose to do so I can get it done!" We then spent the next few moments talking about what dying felt like and what happens at the moment of death. The following evening, my daddy's questions about death's uncertainties were answered as he drew his last earthly breath and stepped into eternity.
It was that very conversation that helped me cope with the uncertainty of my car accident. Daddy and I joked about what it was God needed him to do, but now I see that I was a part of God's final plans for Daddy here on this earth. Upon realizing my arm was gone, I was beyond frighten. What frighten me most was the uncertainty of what life would be like with one arm. When my mother-in-law stepped into eternity, there was this peace that I cannot begin to explain came over me in my car. That Peace told me that it was okay to be scared...the uncertainties that lied ahead for me was okay.
Uncertainty...the grey area of life...I believe scares everyone more than the black and white of life...maybe even more than the bad things of life. We like knowing everything ahead of the situation. This helps us to plan accordingly and even decide if that is something we want in our lives. We like having that control. No matter how much planning we do, there will ALWAYS be the uncertainties...how will this turn out?...what will the end result be?...can I really do this? A preacher friend of mine always quotes this one verse when life's questions cannot be answered:
"The secret things belong to the Lord..." Deuteronomy 29:29
Honestly, I am thankful for those secrets. If I knew and understood everything God had planned in my life...the trails, suffering, loss, uncertainties...I would try to change them and avoid doing things. God knew I couldn't handle the car accident before February 23, 2018. I wasn't ready to accept what the cost would be. Jesus never revealed to His disciples the full extent of His crucifixion at the beginning of His ministry...they weren't ready. Something I came to realize through my study of the disciples and the events of my life in this last year is the grey area of life requires acceptance. No, I don't like surgeries, chronic pain, ghost feelings, no use of my left arm...but I accept it. I don't understand any of it, but I accept it. With acceptance comes trust. I don't like any of this, but I trust God...I mean, He is the Creator. Take a look at this:
"We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the LORD Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. For we which live are always delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh." II Corinthians 4:8-11
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Isaiah 41:10
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord , thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)
"Great is our LORD, and of great power: his understanding is infinite." Psalm 147:5
"For with God nothing shall be impossible." Luke 1:37
Yes, the grey area of life scares me...now more than ever. But then, I read these verses, and I am reminded that the God I serve has everything in control...even the uncertainties of life. So, let me ask you a question---do you let the grey areas of life consume your thoughts? Does it interfere in you work for God? What if you let God be God and accept life as you know it?
Has He ever failed you?
